The First Date

I witnessed what will be remembered as the worlds worst first date tonight.  I go to a small Christian university in Indiana, you know the type of place, no on-campus activities and corn fields in every direction.  I don't think I could get into trouble here if I wanted to, but this young man had.

I could tell by her eyes that he had been talking for a while.  The drum-core cadence that her finger nails were making on the laminate table top screamed disinterest.  I was half staring out of the corner of my eye when I heard him say something so stupid my mind almost had to reboot.

"You look sick or tired or something."

Are you kidding me!  I don't think she could have been more insulted.  She didn't hear another word he said for the next fifteen minutes or so before she politely informed him she needed to be on her way to study.  What is it with dating these days that has so many guys bewildered?  I feel like I need to blow some wind into the creative sails of the male population, as well as fill the etiquette account that appears to be in the red.

Get creative!  Its such a cliche phrase but seriously, put in some effort.  There are over 22 million pages under creative date ideas when I searched on Google thirty seconds ago. 

Have a plan!  It sounds fun to be spontaneous, but your going to be so busy trying to keep conversation moving your brain will just not come up with fun ideas.  There aren't exceptions to that rule, until date five or six you should have a well thought plan (and that doesn't mean that you can stop being creative... ever.  It simply means that if you mess up a date at that point she will likely give you another chance).  Remember; she agreed to a specific date, don't change from French culinaire to sushi.  One caveat to this rule; if she suggests something, go with it! you have to be flexible for her, don't make her be flexible for you.

Be a gentleman!  Not only must you be a gentleman on the first date, but you should really start thinking about adopting this as a theme for your life.  Don't abandon her at a social event, she should never have to fend for herself.  Don't try to impress her, you need to listen.  "Good conversation is like a tennis volley: The only way to sustain it is for both people to return the ball.  The usual advice is to 'just be yourself,' - good plan, unless being yourself means monopolizing the conversation."  - Emily and Peggy Post [from the book Etiquette].  I might also add that it is a good idea in life to actually be interested in what a person your talking to is saying, she will give you all the hints you could ever need as to what she wants to talk about.  Ask if you can get the door for her but don't be offended or surprised if she politely refuses.  Getting the her door on the car may be nice, unless its below freezing and she'll have to wait for you to go back around to the driver's side.  Oh, and its your responsibility to make certain she is home safely, not that she is not perfectly capable of undergoing her own commute, but think of how horrible you would feel if something happened to her (the simple fact of the matter is that women are over eighty five percent of the violent crimes victims, I know this sounds horrible but statistically the presence of a man, even a skinny little guy, changes everything).  A gentleman is always on time.  

Oh... one last thing, tell her how beautiful she looks.  No exceptions, no excuses.  Don't be fake, don't be flattering, sincerely tell her she looks beautiful.  If you don't believe it you shouldn't be out on a date with her, she's way out of your class.

Know Yourself!

     A lot of fashion starts off a little intimidating.  As guys we have an idea of what is well dressed.  The problem is that when we think of what well dressed looks like there is a specific idea that comes to mind.  His pants aren't too loose or too tight, he's wearing black, and his shoes have a high polish.

     The problem is this, every man is different.  We don't all have thick black hair, and a square jaw.  This isn't depressing, think about the perfect woman.  Guarantee its different from your best friends idea.  Thus the same might be true of women.  The goal then is to be the most fully you that you can be, knowing that you are somebodies ideal guy.  Think about Steve McQueen...  the man was the ultimate badass!  On the complete other side of the spectrum look at George Clooney.  These guys are so different, but women love them both.

     Think about your favorite pair of shoes, your favorite shirt, your favorite jacket.  What is it about this that makes it your favorite.  Is it sentimental value, or that you've worn it so many times that it just feels perfect, or is it the color or texture.  Sometimes its the feel...  Next time your near a nice clothing store ask a clerk to show you the difference between a plain wool sweater and a cashmere sweater.  Its unbelievable!

     Often times its the color, I have this dark olive shirt, and I just feel like its the absolute best color ever made for me.  If its the comfort of the shoes, build on that.  This is all about getting to know who you are.  I think people try so hard their whole lives to not get put in a box, but the problem is that they just don't have an identity then.  I like to think of it simply as "I own my box!"  I'm the master of my identity.  I have the power to sort out what a Zach thing to wear is.

     For instance I've discovered that I love paisley, and argyle.  I just do.  Now I have a friend that loves t-shirts, specifically band shirts.  And he rocks them!  He started to wears jeans and a pair of vintage Vans and many of our female friends love it.  He has this carefree artistic attitude, I'm pretty sure that he's had a days growth on his face for three years.  Now the thing that a lot of people do wrong is that they begin to let their style go.  They keep the same five band shirts for ten years, and its no long fashion, then its just laziness.  You have to keep up with yourself.  Keep seeing whats out there, and what your next favorite shirt is going to be.  My mom has this idea that she's going to make quilts for us kids out of our old favorite shirts and pants.  This is brilliant in my mind because you get to keep your favorite shirt, but your girlfriend doesn't have to dread you pulling it out of the closet.

     I have this thing that I do every season.  I go through my wardrobe and find my favorite total outfit from the last season, and I wear it when I go shopping for new clothes.  It holds me to a high standard.  Have you ever put on a pair of slacks right after your favorite pair of jeans?  It feels horrible, they're stiff, and so not you.  Your favorite jeans don't lie.  It helps you to gauge everything, by what is ideal in your world.  If you feel out of place in a store in your favorite outfit, don't bother shopping there. 

     Remember that every person you meet will be judging you by what you wear, but the only person that really matters is you.  Keep up with yourself and you really can't go wrong. 

     Oh... and one more thing, I never wear all of my favorite items together more than once a season.  You've gotta keep it interesting.